Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.

A bit of email traffic from my brain.

To: Burgeoning Author Alex
From: Sunglasses and Leather Jacket Alex
Subject: Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.

Hey, Alex. This is the much more sensible side of you, and we need to talk about your literary image.

I know that you’re excited about your new book coming out, and ever since last December, you haven’t been able to shut up about it. You’re doing some things that make me cringe, and frankly, you’re not impressing anyone–you come off more like a cheerleader having a Ritalin overdose. If you keep this up, everyone is going to know that you’re not that great, and it’s going to be middle school all over again.

You remember middle school, right? When the youth group leader let the other kids raid your luggage and tie a pair of your saggy briefs to the bus antenna, and they laughed at you all the way home? We don’t want that, do we?

Let’s talk. I’ve enumerated the list of your faults, and come up with an action plan.

Continue reading Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.