Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.

A bit of email traffic from my brain.

To: Burgeoning Author Alex
From: Sunglasses and Leather Jacket Alex
Subject: Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.

Hey, Alex. This is the much more sensible side of you, and we need to talk about your literary image.

I know that you’re excited about your new book coming out, and ever since last December, you haven’t been able to shut up about it. You’re doing some things that make me cringe, and frankly, you’re not impressing anyone–you come off more like a cheerleader having a Ritalin overdose. If you keep this up, everyone is going to know that you’re not that great, and it’s going to be middle school all over again.

You remember middle school, right? When the youth group leader let the other kids raid your luggage and tie a pair of your saggy briefs to the bus antenna, and they laughed at you all the way home? We don’t want that, do we?

Let’s talk. I’ve enumerated the list of your faults, and come up with an action plan.

Continue reading Be cool, Alex. You look desperate.

Pitch me on #PitchWars 2015! (Adult Fiction)

I’m a #PitchWars mentor!

That means I’m actively looking for some special author that needs an agent. If you’re not familiar with Pitch Wars, I suggest you go take a look at Brenda Drake’s website and get briefed. Basically, it’s a contest where agented/published authors like me choose a manuscript to critique and read, then try to get an agent for our mentees.

So you want to know about me? Check out my bio.┬áMy book, EVERY MOUNTAIN MADE LOW, commanded a handsome advance from a really good publisher, and you’ll be able to buy it in every bookstore in America and Britain in 2016.

Let me save you some time.

  • Adult fiction only. No anything else.
  • No regular-ass, unmodded niche genres. I don’t want to read plain steampunk. Regular space opera doesn’t interest me. Get in there and shake things up.
  • No mean people… except in your stories. I love mean people in stories.
  • This is a trad pub contest. If you bash trad pub all over the internet while we’re working together, I can’t be motivated to help you.
  • No memoirs.

I want to see your queries in a concise format, similar to the one suggested here. Continue reading Pitch me on #PitchWars 2015! (Adult Fiction)